[heatherfly]

My Karma yoga experience took place at Star House (a community center for homeless youth), and st St Patrick’s Epsicopal church in dublin. Before I write more I have to thank Abby Rogowski for both of these opportunities. If not for her completely un summoned generosity I would have struggled with setting something up for myself. I’m terribly shy about putting myself out there and each time I found myself in that familiar paralysis, she just, out of the blue, called with more opportunities for me. My gratitude is large for you, Abby.

I’ve been going to Star House on Monday’s and teaching yoga there from 11:30-12:30 since June 4. Among the many times going there, I’ve only taught 5.5 hours there in total. Often no one will want to do it. The building can be warm, the community members tired, the air has an edge and the people can’t settle down enough. Often only one or two will do it. Once there was 4. I learned early that it was better to do homework and increase competence in working with youth and working with traumatized populations and in working with people with no experience in yoga than it was useful to plan a full class and expect to implement it. When i planned I went in with a lot of stress. When I stopped planning and trusted myself to be able to lead a class that was responsive to the people then I was able to be really present and responsive. These people walk all day and sleep in non-beds most of the time. Their aches and pains are real. And so being open to understanding what needed attention in their bodies (once sore feet, once an aching back and neck, once tight hamstrings) then I was able to create something responsive to what they needed. Planning, in that setting and for now, when I’m just building interest there, for me was standing in the way of being able to give them the yoga that could serve them. But working strongly on my own self guided practice, embodying my practice and trying new things in my practice and thinking about the youth there and reading about trauma informed yoga all are how I’ve come to prepare. Instead of planning a full class and expecting to implement it. In this case, no planning allows me to be more present. I’ve come to love going there. One of the things I love most is being able to offer centering moments, to point out strength in their bodies that is naturally there and to do mindfulness practices before, during and after. And I’ll continue going there on Mondays.

Church yoga has also been a really nice experience. Most times there have been 4 people, though the last time it was just 1. This has been on Thursdays from 4-5. I’ve been there 4 times and will continue for a while after. Most of the participants have been older and at first it was a challenge to figure out the best target in terms of planning the class. There have been participants who have been older and younger, once an elderly woman who sat in a chair and once a 12 year old girl with her mom. This has also posed a challenge for planning but I’ve come to focus on basics with options available to me if the participants seem open to more or deeper experiences. I’ve done a class using a chair and it was really fun and no less a rich practice than without a chair.

Being a mindfulness based therapist I’ve found teaching yoga to be an extension of my work. I love being able to facilitate peoples’ turning Inward, toward themselves, getting into their bodies and perhaps just a little bit out of their minds, without it being in the context of suffering like work is. It feels like preventive mental healthcare.

The class I did at balancing owl was my favorite experience though. It was the most complete experience, planning and implementing my full plan. I enjoy planning and am constantly still planning sequences and classes even though the places I currently teach benefit more from flexibility and openness. In those places I go to them in their space and need to be very open to what they need. A solid plan would be more about me than them in that context. I hope to find a class to teach at some point where I can give the full scope of a good rich yoga class because they’ve come to me in my space to see what I have to offer.

[heatherfly]

I’ve been working with this for a long time. I have a somatic orientation to the way I work with clients. Always asking, where do you feel that thought/feeling in the body. So this stuff wasn’t so much ah ha as it was: cool! I know sugar gives me headaches and more than 1 glass of wine does too. So does too much coffee, too little water or sleep and not enough time to be quiet. I know if I relax my shoulders my mind will relax. I suppose the ah ha came from putting my stubbornly problematic left hip and knee together with being an over taxed mom, a painter with no time to paint and a woman whose own mom seems to be retreating ever so slightly.

When I work and when I teach yoga I’m constantly directing attention inward, notice and find what feels good. Notice how your body feels while this is going on. Notice what it feels like when anger, anxiety, sadness, resentment, etc, shows up. I think being centered and aware of my own stuff is of the utmost importance. I create space for others to open up, whether in yoga or in counseling. In my grad program there was an ever-ringing mantra repeated constantly: Self as instrument. The clearer I am in my own self, the more useful I can be for others.

[heatherfly]

I feel like Ayurveda is something I’ve been looking for for a long time. I’m so grateful that it was part of this curriculum. Thank you, Kimberly!

I learned that I’ve been eating all wrong. Timing has been off. I often eat little to no breakfast, a little lunch and then snacks and a big dinner late at night. Contrary to preachy pop parenting culture, I don’t like eating with my kids very much. It’s not relaxing. So my husband and I have always waited til they’ve been in bed to eat during the work/school week so we could enjoy it. But bedtime has creeped later and later and we’ve been eating at 9:30 for years. Very near when I need to go to bed but I don’t wind up going to bed til much later. But I still try and get up early. It sets off a cycle that isn’t harmonious with when I’m actually hungry or tired. So I’m trying to make changes. My favorite thing I’ve paid attendtion to this week and also talked about with my kids is feeling relaxed and happy before and during a meal. It makes my belly feel glad and receptive whichb must be good.

I think I’m still too new to it all to have started to bring much Ayurveda awareness to teaching. But I always target Vata calming with the classes I teach because it’s likely to be beneficial for all.

[heatherfly]

My Dosha (kapha pitta) resonates with me somewhat. I have taken several of the quizzes and am constantly surprised that there isn’t more Vata. Especially as a kid I was called air headed by my family quite a bit. I’ve alwsy been a creative/artsy person and have literally tortured my very routine oriented husband by never being able to make the same dinner twice. I’m not someone for whom routines are natural. Alas! Maybe phase of life influences these things. I really identify with kapha in balance but only a little bit out of balance and I identify with pitta only a little bit in balance and more out of balance – I’m more likely to get irritable than sad or anxious when under stress.

As I’m writing this after our Ayurveda day I can say I was pretty jazzed by this as I was beginning to read about it. It slides beautifully into the work I’m trying to do with clients but also with myself. I left that session feeling like I need to go further with this stuff. And as I’ve seen clients this week I’ve noticed things in Ayurvedic terms. It’s been really interesting and exciting.

[heatherfly]

I loved the gentle/curvy class I attended in June. I was surprised by it. First, though gentle, it was not easy. Colleen set out a plan that played successfully to everyone’s ability without compromising on athleticism or creativity. She has a really wonderful approach that offers options or “choices” but does not acknowledge limits. Even while modeling and talking through accessible versions, she offered ways to deepen poses and take them further. So the reference point is the most accessible version and the modification is the one that’s deeper. But. All poses are available to everyone – no ifs, ands or buts. There was something super powerful about this and you could feel the confidence in the room. Especially at the point of doing a supported, horizontal dancer’s pose. I suppose she has and will have a large and loyal following. She certainly deserves it.

Second, there was something about her down-to-earth approach that offers even more accessibility and inclusivity by its lack of complexity, flowery language, imagery or deep spirituality. Curvy classes are important and because of this it’s so valuable that they be inclusive in many ways. What a great learning experience!

[heatherfly]

Special populations feel really important and worthy of attention. So one ah ha is special populations in general and the need to pay special attention to when special populations may be in the room. Sometimes we won’t know it.

We’ve talked a bit about PTSD among the veteran populations but I’ve also been learning about women who’ve been victims of sexual violence. Another traumatized population and one that will hide in plain sight. Perhaps in any class we may teach or attend. Certain poses are more likely to be triggering such as happy baby. I’ve always been surprised at how that one makes its way into classes so frequently around here. It’s always a pose I take with intention and choice. Other poses I just allow myself to be led into. Happy baby is something I think about, make a choice and agree to do. So I don’t think I’ll ever teach it.

Kids have been a welcomed ah ha. I want to teach kids but I haven’t before thought about how to keep them engaged. My kids love cosmickids yoga videos, my 3 year old son was doing one this morning. Tiny earnest boy in a pull up doing bow pose. Breaks your heart wide open. I recommend watching those videos on YouTube if you’re thinking about teaching kids.

Seniors are an important ah ha. This is a diverse population with varying needs. I want to get good at presenting a potentially challenging sequence for those who need strength but also that can be done safely and perhaps in chairs. Balance becomes an important focal point both in the intent to practice it and in that it may be a liability.

The ah ha about closing eyes with both adolescent and curvy populations is also something I’m hoping to remember. Close eyes to turn inward and resist the impulse to compare.

[heatherfly]

I am a pretty slow moving train when it comes to integrating new material. I have a compulsion to being truthful and if I haven’t made it truthful for myself I can’t say it – it won’t come out or if it does it feels so thin and forced. Which means my repertoire is still really limited. I feel most confident at the beginning and ending of a class because I’ve been teaching meditation for several years and daily talk people through mindfulness practices. So the mindfulness aspects of a class are done with ease, very naturally and without a lot of planning. But my sequencing feels really limited. I often wish I could quickly integrate new material that I learn from some wonderful teachers in the community. I wish I could turn around and offer something as awesome as, say, Mary or Anne DiBlasio offers but it won’t come out. I know I can’t do it yet until I find that footing. But I’m new at this. And as some lady once said to me on a city bus, “you can’t be anyone you ain’t.”

[heatherfly]

I’ve only taught a few times at this point. I don’t yet know what will become of my planning process but I’ve had a couple different experiences. For the first class, at the studio, I practiced it several times. Both with cuing and without. This helped me a lot, knowing the plan in my body so I could focus on the students and the pace. This is ideal for me, nailing down the actual practice so I’m free to focus on the present moment. But I don’t imagine I’ll have that luxury most of the time – to thoroughly and deeply know the sequence without having to think about it. Also the week prior to that class it was the only yoga I did which means that method came at a somewhat higher opportunity cost than is practical to incur for one class. For the other classes I had less time available to practice and my focus was more on being sensitive to the particular population – non-experienced yogis with probable trauma. So I had in mind very particular language and planned a really basic set.

As for tools I have a notebook. I use the stick figures and draw out the sequence with some basic language cues I want to be sure to remember. I’ve not yet planned around an apex pose. I have planned with a particular experience in mind. So for the studio class it was to give a sense of rootedness and uplift. It was based on a quote. But for the Star House class the participants are inexperienced and have other concerns in mind. Meeting them where they are I planned a class to address some of the areas of the body that may need some care from all the walking they need to do in their lives. So the guiding idea was relieving tension from walking. I also decided to do two 30 min classes instead of one hour long so I could offer a section for ladies and a section for gents separately. And in each section I thought about different language and planned to spend more or less time doing one stretch vs another.

In general I need to sit down on the floor with the notebook and toggle back and forth between doing the yoga and writing it out. It is a mostly physical process for me. And when I have done it this way the plan seems to come from me physically and with ease versus mentally and with thinking and rethinking.

[heatherfly]

Meditation, to me, is an intentional turning inward for the purpose of understanding the habits and content of the mind. With a clearer view of what’s there it’s possible to learn to weed the garden so to speak. Or at least gain compassion for the overgrowth. I teach mindfulness meditation to all my clients. It has been for me a pivotal habit allowing me to reduce the negative impact of my own “stuff”. I like to say this to clients: “there used to be a joke that there is no such thing as bad sex. Clearly only a man would ever make that joke. (Insert haha here) But I believe there is no such thing as bad mindfulness practice.” If the practice is spent with a completely busy mind and you’ve noticed that then it’s a success. If the practice is spent bringing the awareness back to the intention only one time after a long stretch of distraction it is a success.

Clients come with so many different experiences and mindfulness practice or meditation is so easily tailored to the needs of an individual. I’ve suggested a daily practice of pet-the-dog meditation. Experience the entire act of petting your dog with all your senses and when you notice your mind wander, just come back.

Meditation is the joining of attention and intention. If this union isn’t there then it isn’t meditation. So many things in life can be or become meditation. Mindfulness differentiates itself from the broader category of meditation with its present moment awareness. The present moment or something about it is the object of mindfulness practice whereas meditation can be transcendental or guided imagery or other focal points that don’t involve present moment awareness.

[heatherfly]

I am sorry I missed that event at the race. It sounds like it would have been valuable to me for several reasons. Especially in the sense of problem solving and developing an understanding of the gaps between the ease and convenience of a studio and any other setting.

I will be teaching outside a studio setting. There will be mats but the space is an open concrete gym which has a tremendous echo. I don’t know whether music will work at all in that space. And the likelihood that others will walk in and play basketball is pretty high. So in this sense my verbal cuing will be important but my physical cuing/actually showing the poses takes on more importance when sound becomes a challenge.

The other thing about outside the studio is that the participants will by no means be traditional yogis. They will have no or very very little experience so there’s an additional challenge to creating the kind of experience that will make them wish to repeat it; the quiet that most of us enjoy as inherent to the practice will be unavailable. This probably means I’ll have to be sure I’m as quiet as can be on the inside.

As for props, I’ve been practicing almost exclusively at home for the last several years and haven’t had anything but a mat. Doing videos or just finding what I want or need in a self-directed practice has been good practice in keeping things simple. I haven’t needed blocks or straps and i haven’t thought to get them.

[heatherfly]

There at two clear ideas that come to mind in response to this. I’ve wanted to do a YTT program for a long time. Maybe 12 or so years. And in that time I’ve had some real and some imagined impediments. Real of course is family and not wanting this endeavor to cost them anything in terms of my time or energy available to them. And real(ish) is also the questions about whether my interest is vocational or avocational. Is it a calling or a hobby? And I wouldn’t want to take the resources away at this intense time in family life if it were purely a super enjoyable hobby. Finding this program was sort of a fluke because for the first time in many many moons I found myself wanting to go to a yoga studio instead of just doing yoga on the rug in my pj’s at 6am. So I looked around for classes available that day, saw balancing owl’s schedule, then website, then info about the ytt program, then noticed how easily it would fit in my family’s schedule. So my dormant-at-the-time interest was awakened and some force plunked me right in the midst of it a few months later.

That said, at the outset I had no idea why I was doing it. What I’ve realized is how it is a branch of my overall sense of purpose in my life: to teach suffering people the skills to find ease and to gently and over time put out the angry, anxious, sad and disconnected fires that get passed from generation to generation. All my life I’ve wanted to save the world. And every wish I’ve ever made is for world peace. And that is the energy underneath the work I do in counseling and I’ve learned that it is definitely the answer to the question of why I’m doing this program. In a class I can reach more people. I can try to teach more than just one at a time to bring ease into their own bodies. So the first A-ha was the recognition of yoga as definitely vocational.

The second a-ha was smaller. You see I have an inner critic like everyone and mine tells me that no one cares what I have to say. Which makes it feel like a big risk every time I open my mouth to speak. But many of these wonderful women going through this program with me have been so kind and encouraging to me in these little moments of interaction which have added up to potential evidence that it is just possible, maybe not probable or likely but possible, that my wicked bitchy inner critic is not right. So that’s cool.

[heatherfly]

I learned to notice breathing before I learned to actually breathe. The first time I was formally introduced to my breath was through a zen meditation practice about 20 years ago. But that was like: there’s your breath. See it? And I was like: wow. Cool. I see it. But what am I supposed to DO with it or to it or about it? And so just noticing it was a struggle at first. Which truthfully brought some anxiety. So when a couple years later I learned ujayyi breath in an ashtanga practice it was sort of a relief. There was something I could do about it. Force the breath in this way so it works for this practice. Keeps my attention for me, warms up my body from the inside which came in super handy during Massachusetts winters at city bus stops, train stations and while waiting for cabs. But in yoga practice it was really challenging. Still is. In intense classes the ujayyi breath raises my heart rate even more than the movement alone and sometimes I feel like I have to come up for air even though I’m engaged in intensely breathing it.

I learned a gentler but still more engaged relationship with breathing through mindfulness practices and mindfulness based stress reduction techniques. I learned to feel the breath in my whole body. And learned to breathe with my whole body and the sense of presence from this has been a deeply grounding development in my own practice. It’s part of why I want to teach yoga. So I can offer people the opportunity to feel that fully grounded presence. And the practice of integrating attention, breath and movement is just right for what I’d want to offer. So the Goldilocks breath for me is just to link breath with movement which requires attention. Not forcing anything but joining it. And honestly it’s been recently, since taking regular classes at balancing owl, that I’ve really learned to do that and found that sweet spot with yoga at long last.

[heatherfly]

In theory I am interested in anatomy but the study of it directly was difficult on my little old attention span. I find the illustrations in the Long books overwhelming and coupled with a subject I have little background in i felt a bit out of my depth. I do want to know about anatomy. My own is something I bump up against frequently and I’d like to be able to make use of yoga to help people understand their own bodies. But the study of anatomy hits me like a big tax form or something. So much, so many details, so visually overwhelming, so hard to integrate.

But this month I’ve been working with a knee issue I’ve had before several times. Related to a hip issue. And likely related to more than that. So it’s been a great opportunity to try to integrate anatomy understanding from the point of view of what I’m experiencing in my own body. Not just pain, stiffness, arthritis, but trying to feel particular muscle groups, noticing the range of sensation and which motions exacerbate and which alleviate pain. So it’s become interestingly more relevant to me. And as in most learning I have to feel it in my body to really get it. So pain in the anatomy is a teacher.

And pain reminds me that it is so important to be strong. Because I feel less pain when I’m strong and when I deliberately increase strength in major muscle groups. Being able to encourage that by messaging and with sequencing will be something I focus on. I will endeavor to teach the kind of yoga that will make people strong which requires I understand more of the anatomy.

[heatherfly]

I think inversions and arm balances are important and have their own particular uses that round out a practice. I think addressing ego like we do with inversions and experiencing the direct correlation between balance and focus found in arm balances are essential in a practice and since there are versions of most poses that are accessible to most students I’d probably try to be thoughtful and really gentle with introducing them in the beginning. Find a way to create a zero entry by, as Colleen displayed, breaking the posture down gradually so they are worked toward. At some point in that progression I’d leave space for people who already have advanced versions of the poses in their practice to express them. As I’ve heard said, “if balancing on your arms in crow is in your practice feel free to find it now” And then I’d perhaps support those who find that arm balance with verbal assists. I think I’ve often found my way into these more advanced expressions of poses by watching and listening to others rather than being guided into it by direct instruction.

I really like teachers who own their limitations in class. Such as sharing that they don’t do a particular pose but they’d be happy to help others get into it. And they’re able to! For this reason I will be sure i practice cuing poses I’m not good at or simply can’t do. Because sometimes just simple, clear, step by step instruction makes something, seemingly way out there, attainable. I’ve had that experience getting into really obscure poses in Caroline’s class several times. And with those experiences there is such a fun sense of accomplishment.

[heatherfly]

My typical practice is first thing in the morning. I spend a little time practicing at home and sometimes attend a 5:30 or 6am class as a way to get me into my body in service of meditation. I feel more present after yoga so it’s like a kickstart to meditation practice. At times I’ll also do a mid morning practice with a different intention. That is usually geared toward the pursuit of a challenge or the pushing of myself for extra energy. In the last decade or so it’s never been an evening thing for me.

So my experiment was with evening. I found I rushed to get there and thought unkind things about having signed up for that class in the first place. Had to, at times literally, twitch out the excess and anxious energy to try to join the class in the quiet beginning postures. My mind never quite settled down during the course of the hour and I felt like I had to abruptly jump back into the productivity stream at the conclusion of savasana.

In the morning I don’t have particular feelings ABOUT going to a class. But in the evening I had definite feelings about it. Maybe at a different time in my life I will have a different relationship with the times of day. But for now I like mornings.

As a teacher I imagine teaching in the morning because I’d like to guide people through a practice that will plant them firmly in their bodies which will soften the rough edges and sharpen the dull focuses for the rest of the day. But I’d be aware of the beginning and ending. The morning may start off gentle and move toward strong. An evening class may start off quite strong and energetic to provide a softer landing, a guided landing into a calmer presence. If my evening classes had been able to meet my energy at the door I may have experienced them as being not just some island of enforced calm in the midst of a busy time of day, highlighting my frantic energy by opposing it. I might have experienced it as a help in recentering. So I think for evening classes I’d start standing.

[Author]

Posts