[heatherfly]

In the first years of doing yoga in Boston I did a lot of ashtanga and iyengar. In these classes, with these teachers there were a lot of hands on assists. They were so skillfully done. They were like tiny shifts that could change everything about how I felt in a pose. Tiny adjustments that sometimes showed me the whole point of the posture. That I couldn’t have figured out on my own. I hope to learn to do them as well as they’ve been done for me. I probably won’t do them until I have experience because I would only want them to be of total value for the practitioner, the way they’ve been for me. I’ll probably pursue continuing education on this subject. Because I’ve rarely had hands on assists since living in Ohio. The yoga class culture here is really different. I don’t mind and I still benefit by the voice cued adjustments. I have a lot of those tiny adjustment cues in my head from years of classes and different teachers and I’m gathering more recently as I try to stay open to the teachers whose classes I’m attending these days.

Another thing about hands on assists that I always noticed is that they make me feel like my practice in a class is noticed and it matters. It’s another way of feeling honored by a teacher. Like what I’m doing is seen by someone who can see more than I can see in any moment and they can see how I can make it even better.

[heatherfly]

When I started this I wasn’t fully sure I wanted to teach. I’m only 79% there even now. But when I thought of being able to create playlists my hesitant 50%/maybe jumped up to 70%/probably. The idea of creating an atmosphere is really exciting to me. And I love the idea of being able to freely play music from the soundtrack of my own life and my own development as a person… It feels almost as if music is a way we get to know the teacher.

I’ve also found music helps me focus. Not all music but some and particular kinds. The fewer instruments the better. When writing long papers in grad school I listened to Bach’s suites for the unaccompanied cello. It had a marvelous effect on my ability to stay focused and reduce the impact of other distractions. When working around the house acoustic guitar and folk music keeps me moving and focused but free feeling.

But I also love silence and when I’m alone I’m often in silence and it restores me. and though I wouldn’t lean toward it, I’d want to experiment with silence for a yoga class or teach outside and let nature’s music play (a fantasy).

[heatherfly]

When i did that exercise my answers were distributed well between the 3, scientist, mystic, athlete. I came to yoga as an athlete, looking for a workout that I could mix in wth running. I didn’t immediately value the effect it had on my mind/spirit. And something I still have to be aware of is the energy of athletic striving in my yoga practice. It is embarrassingly recent that I’ve started giving myself permission to find ease, not push for perfection or the hardest version, not take all opportunities to flow through a vinyasa but be aware of moments when I’d naturally want to take a child’s pose. I think some challenge is important. And will be aware of people who want the class to be hard for the reasons of athleticism.

But I’m also someone who values knowing why and being able to explain how things work and why they work. I’m always asking questions and will want to stay open to and aware of curiosity in a class or with a client. Being able to provide a why in something like yoga de-mystifies it which for some makes it more real and allows them to open to it more. So I’ll want to provide enough information so that the people who need to know why/how in order to get the best out of a practice will get their best experience.

But naturally and in my heart I’m a mystic. A somewhat scientific one but a faithful, devoted one nonetheless. And I believe a sense of quiet and connection are not only what we all deeply need and desire but that any effort we make to move toward that is a balm for this entire anxious, angry world. So from the mystic’s perspective this work is essential for the individual and for the whole world. And I’d like to gently remind people of that.

[heatherfly]

Heather

I’ve met with my mentor, Mary, a couple of times and she’s reached out to me via email to check in. I honestly feel so lucky it borders on guilt for having her assigned to me. At the same time I’m so glad she was. With most people I keep all my own needs in check, never wanting to bother anyone. With Mary I’ve been able to wholly represent my worries without concern for bothering her. This has allowed me to really give vent to the fears I have of putting myself out there – the fears that would keep me from teaching. Her path has taken her past a lot of the same pitfalls and potholes I worry about. She’s also been able to articulate the importance of persisting beyond those. I get the most treasured sense – the most important and treasured sense – that she believes in me for the very same reasons I want to believe in myself.

So yes, I feel so lucky and I’m so grateful that this mentoring is part of this program.

In terms of my own mentorship, I think of the meaning we imply with namaste. I’ve loved what I’ve understood about namaste since the first time I heard it 18 years ago. The first meaning I heard was “the divine in me salutes the divine in you”. It’s the sense I get from Mary and it’s related to how I regard my clients in work. I regard their inner light. I endeavor to reflect theirs to them via my own. The result is that I find each person I meet with and come to know beautiful. If I can bring Namaste spirit to a class as a teacher I will feel good about mentoring. Showing others their beauty, their light so they can experience it – in case they need it.

[heatherfly]

Sutra 1.23 Offering regular prayers to God with a feeling of submission to his power, surely enables the state of yoga to be achieved.

When I try to understand this in an embodied way, meaning, wondering what it would feel like to offer prayers of submission and allowing myself to feel what I imagine, it is a great Letting Go. I feel the relaxing into What Is. letting go is something I constantly have to work on. Letting go of anger or arguments, letting go of expectations for what my house should look like on a Sunday afternoon, letting go of people when it’s time, letting go of my body into savasana. Allowing what Is to Be and letting go of what isn’t.

The felt effect of a prayer of submission is a deep gratitude in the muscles of my shoulders and neck. It’s a sense of allowing. Not fighting or striving but abiding. No need to do or be anything I’m not right now. But it’s also a willingness so it’s not an allowing or acceptance that is defeated or inert. It’s very present and awake.

It says in this sutra that regular prayers of submission to God’s power will surely enable the state of yoga to be achieved. When I’m not struggling against What Is it’s peaceful. It may still be sad or not-what-I-think-I-want but the openness of submission leaves little room for ego. It’s possible to experience a clearer seeing when I’m open and accepting and willing for what is to be as it is without it needing to be different for me to be ok with it.

I imagine all the time and energy I could save if I constantly submitted to what is instead of struggled against it. But I’m working on it.

[heatherfly]

1. Instead of saying “you’re not doing this right” maybe I’d say, “I see where you’re going with this. Maybe if you adjust in this way you’ll find the opening/stretch this pose offers”

2. Instead of saying, “don’t forget to breathe” maybe I’d say, “breathe,” or “keeping in mind the breath in every movement and posture,” or “if you find you’re holding your breath, bring your mind back to your breath and allow it to be a part of this pose.”

3. Instead of saying, “don’t let your knee extend past your toes” maybe I’d say, “take care of your alignment, being sure your knee is over your ankle. This will protect your knees so notice this with care.”

4. Instead of saying, “don’t worry about everyone else” maybe I’d say, “notice how this feels in your body,” or “everyone will look and feel different in every point of a practice so there may not be a value in comparing your pose with anyone else’s,” or “in this time you’ve set aside for your practice, it is of great value to turn inward. If you notice you’re comparing yourself to others, that’s ok, but bring yourself back inward so you receive the full benefit of today’s practice.”

Forgive me if this is a repeated post, I wrote and then lost it somehow…

I enjoy classes led by warm and welcoming instructors who ask my name and acknowledge all the people individually. I’ll hopefully remember to offer modifications constantly so each part of the practice is available comfortably for all participants. I think music at the right volume is so helpful but that is subjective so I’ll do my best with music knowing it won’t be just right for all participants. I also will make space for everyone. Literally and figuratively. Literally because I am most often just on time and not early so I know the feeling of having to find space. Often the goodwill of others prevails but sometime I would like help from the teacher in finding space. I’ll be sensitive to that with students. Figuratively I’ll help others find space by leading them through a practice, reminding them at intervals to turn inward and notice their experience.

[heatherfly]

I’m finding my practice to be spiritual but I don’t think I’ve alwsys linked it to that. For me spirituality is a constantly felt bedrock of being. In some way, for me, a life of devotion is the road not taken. But truthfully, I love my husband and little family, stiff whiskey drinks and dropping f-bombs so I’d probably make a disconcerting nun:)

I was raised catholic which mostly didn’t speak to me apart from the focus on service so that part I kept. I started studying Buddhism in my early 20’s and that has helped me know myself, see and have compassion for suffering (my own and others) and quiet my mind. Through nature I feel connected to this earth which is a deep sense of peace. I’ve spent time studying other religions and mystical traditions as well. I was always looking for the common thread because I felt there had to be a way to speak to all people, including atheists, in the common language of spirituality without causing anyone to need to close off or defend. This is a huge part of the work I do as a counselor. I have a language of therapy that is actually leading people to a quieter more compassionate way of being in themselves. These are preconditions for feeling truly connected with others, feeling peace, feeling open. This lays a ground work to experience their own spirituality. These are the conditions that allow one access to one’s own wisdom. And for some they may experience this as spirituality. I can’t give them spirituality because that is personal. But I can collaborate with them in the clearing of the path.

Getting back to the questions, I’m realizing in this YTT that what I’ve been doing all along in endeavoring to bring that deep peace and connection to myself snd my clients is yoga. So yes, it turns out my practice is spiritual. and what I’ve noticed in the asana practice is that it helps me be in my body before I meditate which makes it easier to sense my own being, quiet my mind and keep my focus. Which gives me easier access to my heart which fuels the sense of connection. It’s a tool.

In my work I’ve tried to develop a way of talking about these things without excluding anyone or causing anyone to defend against unwanted views. Everyone understands compassion and peace. And everyone loves getting in contact with the present moment. There’s something amazing that happens for people when they experience that on purpose for the first time. So I intend to bring that to teaching. And teaching asana practice in a skillful way that facilitates the opening of themselves can help clear the path to a sense of connection to their own spirituality. I can’t give people spirituality through yoga and if I were to use language too specific to a certain viewpoint I’d steal from some the opportunity to be open to themselves in a spiritual way. So to me and for me, this question comes down completely to right speech. seeing flexibly the potential to practice nonviolence and nonstealing through the careful but brave use of words.

[heatherfly]

(sorry this is late!)
Pain that has not yet come is avoidable. This talks to me about present moment awareness. It is so common to live in a state of worry-about-pain. Worry-about-pain is suffering. And this has our mind in an imagined future where pain is disturbing us, while our body is here in this moment. Pain is not the same as suffering. But worry-about-pain brings a feeling of anxiety, panic, helplessness and a sense of being braced against. These feelings don’t have biological markers to identify pain, nonetheless these feelings intensify the pain that is there, can limit or dictate the actions we take and therefore play a part in shaping our life to accommodate or try to avoid future pain – these effects cause another kind of pain, regret, grief. We can’t avoid pain in life. We can learn not to live in constant anticipation of pain, though. So, pain that has not yet come reads to me as pain-that-has-not-yet-come or anticipated pain or worry-about-pain. It is the busy-ness of a mind trying to avoid or mitigate a future discomfort.

As a student, i will practice present moment awareness, notice what my body IS saying, not what it MIGHT say if i try to go deeper or try something new.

As a teacher, i will work on my own presence so i create an energy and invitation to students to be fully here, listening to themselves closely instead of bracing against what they fear they might experience.

As a human i meditate and employ curiosity and gentle awareness of when worry-about-pain both physical and mental/emotional is creating a disparity between what i really want from a moment and how i engage with it.

[heatherfly]

I love reading all of your responses. They’re so thoughtful and create a high bar for this discussion. I feel challenged by you all to go deeper and be more curious. I’m thankful for that. It’s like a version of tapas.

I’ve been a sort of seeker all my life. Early anxieties and fears combined with a low tolerance for mental suffering offered me two options: try not to feel or seek the way through. And I was always emotional so seeking became the easier route to take. And it’s been so beneficial to me. And hopefully to those in my orbit. It is a natural and constant effort for me to orient toward less suffering. But I’m a naturally solitary being. My peers – school moms, other therapists.. going back a while, folks in bars 🙂 weren’t talking about what I was thinking about so it has been a solitary, inward effort. But in the last few years I have had the thought several times that I need a teacher. I can only take myself so far. I can only figure out so much on my own because my view is limited by my own being.

Reading the Yamas and Niyamas is so rich. It’s like a gentle push to see more. It’s like those cues from a yoga teacher to open up a little bit here, bend a little there and see what happens in the pose. I want to take my time with it and work through it the way many of you have. I feel like it’s the text book for the work I want to do with myself and you all, sharing your own perspectives offers me a bigger view of the Yamas and Niyamas than I could get myself. So maybe I’ve found my teacher(s)?

[heatherfly]

Regina, i just want to say that was really beautiful, what you wrote. I want to reread and reread it.

Heather

[heatherfly]

This is Heather. The word that came to me when I read this quote was Integration. The one who journeys, that which is explored on the journey, that which is discovered via the journey snd journeyer, All are one. But most of us can’t sense that. Most of us experience some degree of dis-integration. Separation from ourselves therefore from the people and world sround us. When we’re truly integrated we can sense and live in our humbling-inspiring connection to all living things. At least that’s what I’ve heard.:)

[heatherfly]

I started doing ashtanga yoga 18 years ago when a studio opened up the street from my apartment outside Boston. A roommate was the obsessive type and was hooked from jump. She is very bendy so it all came easily to her and I liked it too but wasn’t very good at it. Not flexible myself but I still loved that spacious open feeling in my body that I’d get after a class, and the sense of becoming acquainted with muscles I’d never met. I couldn’t really afford that though so started taking classes available for cheaper – like those at the gym I attended – and there I met Iyengar and vinyasa yoga. I liked Iyengar, taking the time to get into a posture correctly. Using props and whatever was needed to experience the benefit of feeling the asanas in a way that was harmonious with my own body. When I moved here 11 years ago I tried a few different studios and styles. I tried Bikram and wished to never go back. Ive tried various Hatha classes. I tried that hot yoga aerobics class at harbor and again wished to never go back. I call it yogaerobics. I can’t say whether it is or isn’t yoga. I know I don’t feel the lovely post yoga feeling after those classes. I don’t like being hot. I’ve decided, too, that I don’t need to suffer greatly in order to reap benefits of activity. A few years ago a friend gave me a series of kundalini videos which I love dearly. For a while I was doing them every day and the feeling of flexibility in my spine seemed to translate to flexibility in my mind. It was great medicine for a difficult chapter with post partum blues. I still do these videos frequently. My life in recent years has made attending classes in studios challenging. But it’s been in that time that I started doing at least a little yoga every day. I also have a meditation practice. Mindfulness has been a regular practice for me for the last 20 years. And I’ve noticed that doing yoga before sitting for meditation puts me in my body in a way that aids mindfulness. So I consider them two different ways of the same thing. In asana practice I’m staying with my breath while moving my body. In meditation I’m staying in my body while noticing the way the breath moves. They’re really complementary. So I’d consider meditation a form of yoga and vice versa.

[heatherfly]

When I think of experiences of having had a good teacher there’s been warmth and welcoming making it feel as if it mattered I came; s/he is focused and able to lead thru sequences keeping in mind symmetry (always amazes me); it’s interesting and engaging to be moving in the way s/he cues. I always feel warm toward a teacher who models embracing her own limitations and finding what becomes possible when she does that. And lastly, a strong presence – really being wholly in the room, with intention and attention aligned – creates a magnetic energy that calls me to presence as well.

[Author]

Posts